The Future

In my short term future I'm looking forward to graduating, getting a new car, taking time off school to enjoy SUMMER!, moving out, and eventually starting school at Paul Mitchell.

I can't believe high school is pretty much over, I thought it would never come to an end. I'm really sad because high school was the best time of my life. However, I'm also very excited/nervous because now I get to attend school with a subject I'm very passionate and interested in (hair). It's crazy that my "real life" is about to begin, I'm like officially an adult.

I also can't wait for summer! I want to go on vacations, go swimming, and lay out every day, all day. I'll also be able to pick more hours up at work, which means more $. Hopefully I'll be able to get a job at Sally's this summer and just have fun going to work.

I'm aiming on moving out with Courtney Miller by the end of the summer once I get a new, more reliable car, and save up some money. I'm just really excited to see where life will take me!

TOP 10 FAVORITE HAIR... THINGS.

not in any certain order.

1. Joico K-Pak Reconstructive shampoo & conditioner - My all time favorite shampoo & conditioner EVER! After you shampoo your hair it feels like you conditioned it, & after you condition your hair, it feels like an angle pooped on it. It's wonderful.
2. Tigi Bedhead 1" flat iron (IN HOT PINK!) - This flat iron heats up anywhere from 125-450 degree's. It changes color on its side panels as it heats up, and it has ceramic plates that actually move, so you get a better style.
3. Tigi Bedhead Headbanger spray wax - This product works a lot like hairspray, however its less harmful (no alcohol) and its better for molding your hair into different styles. It's not as stiff as hairspray, but it stays in place doesn't get sticky all over your hands. The only drawback is that the nozzle clogs up a lot.
4. Chi 44 Iron Gaurd - I use this product after I get out of the shower to prep my hair for heat styling. It protects your hair against heat damage without leaving a greasy finish.
5. Prism Lites Dust Free Tonal Hair Lightner (in beige or violet tone) - When I feel like going platinum blonde this is the only bleach I use. It tones your hair while it lifts your color, so your hair won't turn brassy. It also less harmful, and it has a self heater.
6. Redken EQ Demi Permanent hair color - This line of hair color has so many different shades to mix and match. It's very harmless and it contains a gloss, so after processing your hair looks shiny and more healthy than before you colored it.
7. Clairol Creme Toner - This is the BEST toner, especially when double processing is needed. EX: going from black to blonde. To minimize damage I use this toner after I process someones hair to a light orange/yellow. It takes all of the brassiness out and creates a beautiful, natural blonde.
8. Redken Blonde Icing Condition Creme Lightner - Whenever I get highlights this is the only creme lightener I will use. It creates natural highlights, that compliment your natural haircolor, without making it took to contrasted. It's virtually harmless, this bleaching agent has NEVER fried my hair.
9. Cholesterol Strengthening Deep Conditioner - This product is actually meant for african american hair but I still use it. It strenthens your hair and puts a non-greasy film over your hair to protect it from ALL damage, its super cheap and you can actually get it at walmart!
10. Shimmering Lights Conditioning shampoo - This product is very consentrated and purple in color. It reduces yellow tones caused by nasty shower water, it brightens your hair as well!

Conflicts

I have many conflicts, but the ones that stand out most are the never ending problems my ex and I still have, & the constant dwelling over the fact that I am STILL single. I'm honestly over the fact that my ex & I are always having problems "trying to be friends", I realize that I'm not the one creating the problems, or being immature. I've just accepted that it's always going to be like this.

I'm starting to get over the fact that I'm single because I'm kinda-sorta starting to see someone. =]

fag.

If I could choose the perfect guy he'd have a big nose (its just my thing), dark hair, a tan, peircings, tattoo's, & an athletic build. He'd be interested in music, hair, video games, partying, and most of all ME. He'd also be a neat freak just like me, so I don't have to deal with the dirt. He'd play guitar in a scremo band. Even though he'd be so unbelievably hardcore he'd also have to have a heart and a soft side. He'd be someone I could be myself around, someone I'd be comfortable with. Almost like a best friend.

However, I realized this is never going to happen. :[

Zaquesha.

Someday when I'm a rich & famous hairstylist a movie will be made about my outstanding achievements & incredibly good looks. The only person who's a close second to me would be Zac Effron. Nicole Richie would play my best friend Tacia, Paris Hilton would play Jade Lowery, Britney Murphy would play Courtney Miller, & Courtney Love would play my mom.

It would be off the heezie yo.

.Matchew

I don't regret anything, I'm a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason". I've made good and bad choices, but at the end of the day those choices taught me lessons, and made me the person I am today.

However, if I could go back and change anything I'd go back to my first and only real relationship. In end I wouldn't have let myself go down the drain, or let that person treat me so terribly. I would have been the confident strong one.

spring into spring.

How catchy is my title!?

Anyways, to me spring has a certain fresh smell, like laundry that has just been washed. It's the snow & ice melting, its nature growing, & the weather warming. Spring to me is my birthday, its going on late country drives, windows down, with the ones I love, taking walks around town, like old times, new spring clothes, shorts, flipflops, milkshakes, & the coming of my favorite season, summer.

habbitrabbit

I have many very odd habits... I'm a complete neat freak, so as soon as somethings out of place I have to put it back, I organize everything, including my closet, I shave every thursday night (except this thursday, I was too lazy), I layout possible outfits for the next day, everytime I go to Bloomington I have to get a chai latte, & I'm obsessed with perfecting my hair. I think I need to go to some sort of counciling for all of these problems.

I refuse. I refuse. I refuse

to ever wash another dish in my life. When I first started at Dixie I washed dishes. Considering Dixie is already a filthy environment, just think of how bad the dishes were. It was such a gross, smelly job. Every day I would go into work from 4-10 & hate every second of it. I would leave exhausted and smelling like stale old wet food. Eventually I worked my way up the Dixie ladder from a dish washer, to a cashier, & finally a server. Now I love to work. Every now & then I get a rude customer, but the tips def. make up for it.

Ch-Jeeze.

My favorite toy as a child would have to be my tweety bird stuffed animal. I remember getting it for christmas when I was 4 or 5, it was almost as big as me. I used to bring it everywhere I went, my mom would get so frustrated with me. Eventually I "lost" it, although I don't know how I could lose something as large as me. I actually think my mom got rid of it, which she should feel bad about, concidering I cried over it for weeks. Until today, I completely forgot about it, so it doesn't really mean anything to me, since I don't really get attached to things. When I grow out of things I get rid of them, I hate saving old things for memories. I think if something was a good enough memory, you shouldn't have to save old junk & pictures to remember it.

To The Child I Will Never Have.

Dear adopted blonde Cambodian baby,
I want you to be everything I'm not. I want to you to be nice & respectful. However, I do want you to own a couple of my traits, including: my gorgeous appearance, being outspoken, not letting people walk on you, & being successful in life. I believe with hard work and a positive attitude, you'll be able to do anything you want in life. I know in your adolesence you will probably hate me for everything I am, but eventually I believe we can be best friends. I want you to know that I will always be there for you, & if you ever need advice, I will give it to you, to the best of my ability. Good luck in life, ya little orphan.

Paris Hilton?

Pretty much every single night I have the same dream, that I have everything I ever wanted. Designer clothing, a Mercedes Benz G-Wagon, my own loft, a trendy cell phone, my own entorage, & oodles & oodles of money. In my dreams I live in the California, all I do is shop & party, all day & all night, its amazing. I don't work or go to school. I really don't know where I get all of my money, but I have unlimited funds, so that's all that matters. I don't answer to anybody but myself. I seem to always wake up to harsh reality, but If I had the chance to finish this dream I suppose I would just keep shopping & partying since that's all my dream consists of.

"Are you saying I'm mentally unstable?"

It seems like everytime someone tries to get close to me I push them away, by testing their bounds. I try to see how far I can push them until they finally crack, & break. I say and do the craziest things just to get a reaction. I believe this is why I will never be in a healthy relationship again. Atleast until I stop this, I just have a hard time setting my gaurds down. After I got my heart broken for the first time I never wanted to go through it again, so I'm not allowing myself to get in too deep. It seems I can only show my true feelings to my friends and family. Anyone I see as potentially more than a friend I put my walls up, I don't give a chance, I break hearts. But when I go to bed it's a horrible feeling being completly alone.

Fear

A fear to me is more of an interest
Something you don't want to happen
Something you don’t want to see
But it’s something that needs to happen
It’s something you need to see
It’s something you need to face
Overcoming fear is the hardest thing
Fear to me is a funnel cloud
And a tornado descending from it
An airplane falling from the sky
And crashing to the ground
Fear is something that intrigues me
Something I want to happen
It’s something I need to see
It’s something I want to scare me
It’s a challenge
It’s called fear

My Definition Of A Poem

To me a poem is a way for me to show what I'm feeling, to let everything out. Whether it is the feeling of love or hate, or anywhere inbetween. A poem expresses my feeling, & what I'm going through. It's more of a release, to get something off my chest. It's a stress reliever. Whenever I write a song or a poem, its usually about a breakup, it always makes me feel better about my current situation. It's kind of a way for me to let go, it's closure. I write my best work whenever I'm either at my highest high, or my lowest low. The more emotions running through my body the more I have to say, & the better I can write.